Process

This is my new car.

It's a '95 Ford Escort...

and the sound system was half the price of the car....

and it was under $2,001.00

So I told my mom that I didn't want to go to College...
She wasn't happy to say the least- but shouldn't she know?
I told her though, that there was a difference between me and other people who don't want to go to college...I'm going to go. I'm going to go and get my degree if it kills me or not- Hopefully it won't because then I wouldn't be able to have kids with... whoever I'm going to marry.
That's really my goal in life- to be a mom... but until you're a mom, you don't get paid... So that doesn't work. And there's also not a degree called "being a mom"... which kinda stinks too. That would actually be useful to a lot of people. "Parenting 101"; "Discipline 201" etc. But I'm kinda looking forward to College- even though I'm scared to death I'm going to be a big fat loser with no friends.... And then the summers ( not this one) I'll take classes and hopefully graduate early! Woo Hoo!

High school is so close I can practically taste Graduation. The beignning of the year it seemed so far away and now it's 10 weeks away. And go figure in the last 10 weeks God brings me a challenge in the form of a very.... in the form of a person. Frankly- I don't think I've ever felt such intolerence towards a girl in my entire life. She opens her mouth and it rubs me the wrong way. It's kinda sad actually...So I'm praying for me. LET ME TELL YOU- That's hard. To pray that this person will have lasting, loving and sucessful life, realtionships and everything else that I wish for myself. But I think James will be right- see how long you can't stand someone when you pray for them.

I think I'm kinda hesitant to leave the youth group as well. I remember my thoughts in Middle school--- about how my high school career was going to go and how it was going to end and who would be in my life spiritually at that time... what I would've accomplished through the church... It's changed obviously. I think I've accomplished more than I orginally thought I would've, and I've had experiences through changes that have made me grow. The sad thing is- I spoke too soon to Heather and James about Rob... and now I wish i hadn't because he's not so important to me anymore... Proving to James and Heather that I can accomplish things and learn and grow is now important. And I know that I want them at my graduation...and I know that I want their approval. And I wish I could've had all four years with them. That's why I'm hesitant to leave...

i'm not feeling sure of myself though. In the words of my favortite movie... "you is a fluid word right now... you bought the shoes, you look great in the shoes..." I feel more like the first part. I wonder if that's normal. Probably not because who knows what normal is? Not me... because I'm sure i'm not it.